Something
dawned on me, right after I felt a certain pang when I found you inside me: I
no longer wanted to be pleasured by you. I no longer wanted to be that woman
who would want to wake up happy and contented the morning after we became
intimately involved. You do not provide answers to this emptiness, to this
longing. But I think I have finally found an
answer to one of the questions that have been bugging me—I no longer want you the
way I think I wanted you to be.
I
am just too messed up to determine where I want to see myself right now. But I
should know that random sex and alcohol and drugs, will never really give cure
to this pain that worsens every time I wake up still intoxicated from every
madness I did hours before I put myself to sleep.
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