A sigh for the beloved

There’s so much loneliness behind these smiles. There’s a looming pain somewhere deep down in my system. It’s hard to utter the word goodbye because for one, that would make tomorrow frightening and the next few days would become episodes of some painfully pathetic drama that should have ended long ago.  Because we chose to linger, as we’re both terrified of the what ifs and what the fucks that would surely come in our way.

And then out of false hopes, of fucked up signals and misunderstood gestures, I would ask myself: Is it really about that scary feeling? Or maybe there’s really love in between? Or what if we’re just being too selfish to let each other go? How long are we going to hold on to these strings of memories and emotions—love, lust, longing, anger, regret...

It’s too ironic to say that—

We’re both terrified of the what ifs and what the fucks that would surely come in our way—

When in fact, we’re breathing in that state for months now.