More of the aftermath

I think I don’t trust myself enough to trust myself to someone who’s willing to hold my hand while I walk myself out of this pathetic shit I’m going through. It is a rare opportunity to find people who feel and understand your pain and obscurity and it’s a common opinion that when you find them, you must not let go of them.

But how you can keep them if you can’t even keep yourself together? I swing back and forth to despair and I am becoming a selfish, numb monster who doesn’t care about the trouble that she’s causing with her indecisiveness.

I need to find my way out of this vicious trap.