Will you erase me, too?

I am dropping all the metaphors in this entry. This is me, thinking out loud in the cyberspace.

Over dinner, a friend and I talked about Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind—the movie that reminds the story I had with this guy whom I recently broke up with.

My friend asked me, ‘So is there something that you want to erase just in case we have that Lacuna Inc. in our country?’

In all honesty I answered, ‘I’ll erase him in my memory. But before I do that, I’ll tell you to introduce him to me again after the process.”

And maybe I’d also ask the Lacuna Inc. to delete the other guy in my memory. This guy whom I met and introduced me to things that I’ve been missing for years. Maybe, I would love to meet him in another time. Again, in all honesty, I could fall in love with this person. But I am not ready yet.

I am fucking confused.

I’ve lost things. I’ve lost him. Or maybe, he lost me. And sometimes, I’m giving clues for him to chase me back to his arms. But he’s just too numb to feel that I’m asking him to have me back. While this guy—the other guy—is giving me all the reason to stay, be with him and have a new beginning with him.

Falling in love. Falling out of love. Finding new reasons to feel again. Declining facts. Seeing signs.

This damaged self.